On life and not completely understood rebellions

I’m going to start this off by saying that people in Romania have started protesting. Massively. All over the country.

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Almost 30 000 people on the 4th of November, Bucharest

Even in my “nothing ever happens” town. Students march. Things have started moving. And I am excited. Because it feels and smells like change. Because the government has resigned. Because people have understood that corruption kills. Because the flames of that club have surrounded the whole Romania. And, as cheesy as it sounds, it will be reborn out of its own ashes. Phoenix-like. I hope, God how I hope that things are going to get better.image-2015-11-4-20554874-0-protest-memoria-victimelor-clubul-colectiv

In honor of this and because of my great excitement and because I love words and quotes and all of it, here are some of my favorite quotes about deep things. In no particular order, mainly focused on freedom of thought and social issues. A post full of beautiful words and exuberant phrases and the idolization of beauty shall be written another time.

“THEY TRIED TO BURY US, THEY DIDN’T KNOW WE WERE SEEDS.” – Mexican proverb art-by-dan-elijah-g-fajardo

I first read this on a Mexican protester’s poster. Kept it in mind ever since.

”War is peace.
Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is strength.”

George Orwell, “1984”

“Let her sleep

For when she wakes,

She will move mountains.”

Napoleon Bonaparte ( I know no context for this one, but I love it greatly)

“I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.”
This is all, I think. I’ll write a 7 list thing tomorrow, I hope.
By the way, I’m in with the NaNoWriMo. I think. But I didn’t really write anything yet, so I need to keep up.
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Life is not a sparkly bubble

No, it is not. Life is rather weird and it becomes even weirder and more difficult and complicated and weird and difficult when you have the incredibly destructive habit of overthinking it. Like I do.

Today officially was the third day of school. And against my expectations of failed human communication, I still felt fine around people. Damn it, I am truly exaggerating right now. I just.. I figure I have this interior defensive mechanism that somehow allows me to be ok and feel kind of fine, some sort of thing that makes me stand straighter, speak more coherently, look people in the eye, keep my chin up and my steps and breaths even. Some sort of thing that doesn’t allow me to think too much when feeling like I have something funny to say, that does leave me to being, to laughing too loudly and talking too much, to being proud. The problem is, there usually comes the time after that, when I get home, my feet sore from walking, my hair a mess and my hands stained with ink, when it all comes back to me. All the laughing and the jokes – that seem freaking stupid, all the walking straightly and the attitude that I could have kept for another time. For it is not totally real, but rather something that I could have been, I suppose. The problem is, there comes the time when all that put up confidence returns and feels like salt on burnt skin. Because damn, I’m vulnerable in front of myself. Because the moment I feel fine , something black and shiny and uncomfortable catches my eye and becomes bigger and bigger against the law of physics.

Maybe that’s why I despise school so much. I don’t know, but I’m really frustrated at this particular moment, because I’ve started transforming this into a cliche thing and I really feel like avoiding that.

A smarter affirmation would be, tho, that I’ve noticed that the 21 hours I’ve been in school since Monday have killed all the creativity and replaced it with frustration. And I don’t want to fall in the same pattern of hatred and self sufficiency and lack of self control and desperation and limitations that left me numb and indifferent and then sad. I think I’ve simply decided that the time has come to make the most out of what I have. But , in order to achieve that, I first need some joy and some harmonious days and some good books and cold weather and some silence and a good night’s sleep and harmony with myself again. And I need to work hard and stop wasting my time and work hard a little bit more.

I just hope I can pull it off, this harmonious autumnal life.

Because, you know, life is not a sparkly bubble of soap.

Summer Manifesto

I am not really sure how summer holidays are set around the world , but I know that in my tiny, full of vampires and dragons south-eastern European country, the humongous summer break starts at the end of June and ends mid-September. Almost 3 months. Out of which almost 4 weeks  have passed. That means that I have another 10-11 weeks to fulfill my summer goals and cross all the things on my oh-so-fancy-and-yolo summer bucket list. Joke. I don’t have a bucket list going on because I can’t make myself write one or think of a number of things to do during this summer. Or any other summer,for that matter. Or this year. Or before I die. So, taking into account my inability to write a crazy and nice bucket list that isn’t totally cliche , the closest thing I have to such a thing is my Goodreads TBR shelf. Or the 2015 Reading challenge on which I am 5 books ahead after entering the summer holiday 17 books behind. I am proud of myself for that.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is not complaining about bucket lists or how everybody seems to love summer whereas all my enthusiasm has fled a couple off weeks ago when I started my very successful hobbit carrier and a very faithful relationship with my bed and my Kindle – I think I initially wanted to write about .. well I kind of can’t remember. So, instead of complaining, I think I’ll write a manifesto. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll make myself write that bucket list stuff. But it won’t be a list.

It will be my summer’s manifesto.

So.

Summer Manifesto

I’ll try as hard as I can to become healthy and slowly heal my huge lack of balance and sleep and normality and human interaction. I’ll cross paths with my anxieties as often as possible, so that ,maybe, they’ll be scared enough of themselves to run away, instead of making me turn my back to my possibilities. I’ll read as much as I can and I’ll try to try various things – not only my usual rather contemporary comfort zone. And after reading weird masterpieces,I’ll try to write about them here and I really hope it is going to turn out well. I am going to free myself of this deep struggle of keeping up with all the masks I’ve drawn for myself. ‘Cause the time has come for balance. I am not the person of cheesy things , but I aim change. And maybe I’ll become a better entity walking on this claustrophobic planet, learning how to stop killing my time.

Funny fact, tho – killing your time doesn’t make you eternal.