Summer Manifesto

I am not really sure how summer holidays are set around the world , but I know that in my tiny, full of vampires and dragons south-eastern European country, the humongous summer break starts at the end of June and ends mid-September. Almost 3 months. Out of which almost 4 weeks  have passed. That means that I have another 10-11 weeks to fulfill my summer goals and cross all the things on my oh-so-fancy-and-yolo summer bucket list. Joke. I don’t have a bucket list going on because I can’t make myself write one or think of a number of things to do during this summer. Or any other summer,for that matter. Or this year. Or before I die. So, taking into account my inability to write a crazy and nice bucket list that isn’t totally cliche , the closest thing I have to such a thing is my Goodreads TBR shelf. Or the 2015 Reading challenge on which I am 5 books ahead after entering the summer holiday 17 books behind. I am proud of myself for that.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is not complaining about bucket lists or how everybody seems to love summer whereas all my enthusiasm has fled a couple off weeks ago when I started my very successful hobbit carrier and a very faithful relationship with my bed and my Kindle – I think I initially wanted to write about .. well I kind of can’t remember. So, instead of complaining, I think I’ll write a manifesto. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll make myself write that bucket list stuff. But it won’t be a list.

It will be my summer’s manifesto.

So.

Summer Manifesto

I’ll try as hard as I can to become healthy and slowly heal my huge lack of balance and sleep and normality and human interaction. I’ll cross paths with my anxieties as often as possible, so that ,maybe, they’ll be scared enough of themselves to run away, instead of making me turn my back to my possibilities. I’ll read as much as I can and I’ll try to try various things – not only my usual rather contemporary comfort zone. And after reading weird masterpieces,I’ll try to write about them here and I really hope it is going to turn out well. I am going to free myself of this deep struggle of keeping up with all the masks I’ve drawn for myself. ‘Cause the time has come for balance. I am not the person of cheesy things , but I aim change. And maybe I’ll become a better entity walking on this claustrophobic planet, learning how to stop killing my time.

Funny fact, tho – killing your time doesn’t make you eternal.

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Hello world

My name is Ana. And it is really difficult to write this post for the same cliche reason people have been evoking for ages when trying to say something coherent about themselves – I don’t know and I lack the ability to try to find out something pretty interesting or not-weird-at-all or in any way memorable to say about myself. For that particular reason, I’m just going to go with the basics, so that you can form a mental picture of who I am and this moment of “Ana-say-hi-to-the-internet” goes on smoothly. No lists, though. Even I find listing things about yourself a little bit over the top. Whatever, you may have different opinions. So.

I was born on the 13th day of one particularly hot summer. I have a middle name, but is just as common as my first one. I have a great family, but I mostly lack friends ( that might be a thing that happens because I apparently am too idealistic for this “big bad world”. Meh.)and, for that matter, any type of huge need for human affection that you could expect from a person my age in a society like ours. I love learning – and by that I don’t mean that I swallow whole physics textbooks as a hobby or in any way approve to the way our educational system is shaped. By learning I mean acquiring information about the universe around by any means and with any risks – I mean art and a deep admiration for nature or having late philosophical talks with somebody that gets the way you think. My life is pretty much gravitating around school, for I really used to enjoy it whole back in my middle school years, when some stuff seemed way more manageable. I’m in high school now and everything got pretty much way more chaotic than I’d thought. The fact is, despite having a decent middle school life ( especially when it came to interacting with other human beings , speaking up in class and all that fun stuff ) I used to dream of high school the same way other girls dream of the ideal guy. Wholeheartedly. Sure it would turn out to be the absolute best time of my life. And once again, by the best time of my life I certainly don’t mean parties or underage drinking or a whole new world of romantic encounters – nope,not at all. I dreamed of a new bunch of people that would actually stop being prototypes, some people in which I could see potential friends, some people that shared some of my too crazy dreams of being able to make my life count in some sort of way. Not that all my classmates are bad, some are kind of friendly actually, some are funny, some are people that feel comfortable sharing some of their time with me , talking about mostly useless stuff or fangirling over this and that. There are others, though, that go with the “respecting-the prototype-going-all-tumblrish-and-we-hate-each-other-but-why-does-it-even-matter-when-we-can-make-you-feel-terrible-our-squad-is-the-center-of-the*known-universe” type of thing. I don’t hate them, I don’t think I hate anybody at all, I just have to suffer because of them , once in a while, and the things that such people do or say regarding me came hunting my strong lack of balance during the summer holiday.

Anyway.

Ending my bigger than I initially intended talk about how delightfully much high school sucks from the social point of view when it comes to my lovely person, I will go on .

I inhale and exhale books and words and all and I regret nothing . I read because I probably am unable of managing this life in a grand way. I red because I need people to understand and to be understood by, I read because of my great fear of being trapped. A claustrophobia extended to planet Earth.  Leaving the self explanatory style aside, I have to admit that I read lots of things, but I currently have my fantasy period, though I highly enjoy everything that catches something in me, some sort of freaky part of my mind and drags it around the pages. I can’t totally suffer sloppy, useless, stupid romance, though, the same way I don’t agree with people judging books by being part – or not – of the prestigious group of classics – untouchable through time. Contemporary books can prove to be better than old literature , but I guess that is some sort of a taste discussion I am not ready to dive in. The important thing is, I am simply fueled by literature,in general.

What I hope I am going to write here is basically on the worthy topic of books and on the far less interesting thing that the way I understand life is.

Thank you if you read this.

so. hello again, world. i’m ana and i got a lot to tell.