For you only

I haven’t posted in three days, because Christmas has been happening and it made me really happy. I don’t know for how long I’ll be able to write here – I am trying to make this feel like a telephone call, you know, I have no idea if it works, I really hope it does.

I want to say “Merry Christmas”. I don’t care who reads this, it’s therapy enough for me to write this. A blessing to all of you.

I hope you are well, I hope you are loved. I don’t know if you celebrate Christmas, maybe you don’t, so Merry Anything.

I hope the weather has a good enough color for you, I hope you have faith an stars. I hope you can hear music and read books and shower yourself in the miracle of what this world is.

I hope you found yourself in shapes and mirrors and clocks and the back of your rooms. I hope you look at the sky and it smiles back at you. I hope you smile at somebody and make their hearts tingle. I hope you are well.

I hope you’ve tried chocolate and I hope you can run. Not away, but run, free yourself. I hope you can travel. I hope you have traveled. I hope you want to see it all and understand it all. I hope you are curious.

 

I hope you find solace in books. I hope you find  it all in art. I hope you know what to do with your life and I hope you regret nothing.

I hope you let grief wash over you and welcome fear at your table, to teach it how to behave. I hope you welcome light in your heart, through your cracks and through holes too meaningful.

I hope you don’t find this overwhelmingly cheesy. I hope you get my good thoughts and hang them in your Christmas trees and in your ear holes. Wear my small presence like cheap earrings, once and then forgotten.

I hope you are all good and incredibly and ridiculously festive.

Love forever ,* cheesy cheesy cheesy , but it is Christmas , is it not?*

Ana

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“All the Bright Places” by Jennifer Niven – Book Review

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“We are all alone, trapped in these bodies and our own minds, and whatever company we have in this life is only fleeting and superficial.”
Jennifer Niven, All the Bright Places

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I’ve just finished this book. And I feel like my coherence has slipped away at some point, in the process of taking in things , of analyzing them.

This is a spoiler-free review, a short and full of rambling one. This fact doesn’t stop me,tho, from talking about the final part. I saw it coming, I expected it, I would have been deeply disappointed if it hadn’t gone this way, but it shattered my very cold heart. I shed a tear and screamed internally and I currently have the very strong urge of saying everybody I know and I love that they count and have a place in this world and life is fine. Life can get fine. I feel like sending virtual hugs to the whole planet.
Is this book full of cliches? It is. I mean, for God’s sake, Theodore is this gorgeous, blue-eyed, tall, lean, muscular, full of culture, playing the guitar, writing songs, quoting Virginia Woolf extensively type of guy who also matters to be on the point of getting expelled and also happens to be obsessed with death ( I can make a whole PowerPoint presentation with interesting facts about death and suicide and the most accurate methods to end your life only using quotes from this book, who also has a troubled family history and parents that failed very hard at parenting.
Violet has just lost her bigger sister, aspires to become a writer, is an ex-cheerleader, friends with the most popular people in school, ex-girlfriend of the baseball prodigy, owner of an online magazine that mostly focuses on nail polish and the right shade of blush and , on top of it all, is one of the prettiest girls in school.
Cliche? Yes, I suppose.

“I am on the highest branch.
We are written in paint.
I believe in signs.
The glow of Ultraviolet.
A lake. A prayer. It’s so lovely to be lovely in Private.”

But nice ones, familiar ones, intelligently used ones. Beautifully written ones.
The whole book is written beautifully, swiftly, coherently. Sincerely.
It took me three tries and a huge amount of determination to get past the first 10%. Because it didn’t seem like something to use my time on. But I believe it was worth it, at least to me, as I am the type of person that greatly enjoys stories that involve mental illnesses. This book deals with suicide and being bipolar in a graceful and poetical way, not failing to give a distinct warning and to make one understand how precious and valuable life is, how small things matter.

I usually try to keep very calm while reading such things ( still having my internal fights about the quality of the literature I read and still struggling with trying to leave YA – especially  contemporary romance – behind and move to better and revelation filled books)  because I am this type of weird hipsteresque attitude regarding culture. This was hyped and romance. ” Not my thing”, I thought.
But I  figured I might be the person that needs some sort of an inspirational  romantic pseudo – deep story once in a couple of years. It was “The Fault In Our Stars” back in the winter of 2013 that, as basic as it sounds, made me rethink things. Didn’t blow me away, but made me appreciate stuff more.
“All the Bright Places” may or may not have the same effect. It is raw and sort of edgy, but if sticks a Post-It to you brain.
A Post-It on which it’s written

“APPRECIATE IT”.