I don’t know ( I probably can find out, but, to be honest, I don’t think I WANT to know ) if anybody reads my blog regularly. This blog. If anybody cares about the rambling I do here. I don’t think so, as nobody from my real life actually creeps around this place. The fact is, you can figure out, even if you are new around and you’ve never read anything of what I’ve written before, that I am really honest . I don’t know how much honesty I keep in my pocket in real life, but when I write here, under a fake name and with no responsibility , I do it freely, mostly because I don’t care who reads it and also because I need to say things I couldn’t otherwise.
As 2016 started 3 days ago, I really felt like a change would be good so I HAD THIS BRILLIANT THOUGHT. Give up on this. You know what I am talking about – despite my honesty at all, I am really bad at blogging. I’ve tried and I failed, mainly because I lack the patience to write a proper review, I make lots of bad choices when it comes to my books and I can’t, in any way, stick to a plan. To a blogging schedule, or something like that. I simply can’t. So, I decided that it makes no sense whatsoever to continue. Because it brings me frustration and it feels. Well. Not great.
But, you know, as this thought was settling in a pretty comforting manner, I went on YouTube. Never mentioned here before, but I have the tendency to go binge watch YouTube when I am sad or bored or simply because my brain is a very untrained vacuum consuming bad media over and over again.
I watched some ridiculously long ones and I can’t deny my enjoyment. They were real fun, but, except for the extremely loud intro and the colorful effects, I don’t remember much. And then, a peculiar thing happened.
I clicked, almost unconsciously, on one of Ariel Bissett’s videos.
I love her. Not in the ” oh my God, I hope I am you when I am 21″ way, but rather.. she is inspirational in an uncomfortable way, that being one of the reasons for which I am not always in the mood for watching her videos. But. She was making some sort of review of 2015 in books and basically everything else and it made me starve for something creative. Here comes my urge to write here.
And I have an idea, you know. I have my sort of twisted form of bucket list, a thing in which I will probably stop believing in when school starts, in 7 days, because that is exactly the type of thing that I would do, but I think I have it figured out, you know, and that it really great.
I always tell people that I love reading.I love it so much, I would like to do it forever and ever. I would like to talk about great books, collect them, reread them, recommend them.
I always tell people I love writing. I love it so much, I would like to do it one day, you know. Write great books. Write plays, write poems, write essays.
I always tell people that I love drawing, painting, art. I love them so much, I would like to do them one day.Illustrate books, have exhibitions, write books about Van Gogh and feel fantastic about it.
I always tell people that I love knowledge. On all those Buzzfeed quizzes I take without purpose, I choose knowledge when they ask me what I value above all. I am a Gemini, everybody tells me that I should be like that – wanting to know. And I am. Or used to be. Or I feel like I am.
But I have realized I don’t read as much as I should or could. I don’t read things to get inspired by them.
I don’t write nearly as much as I could. Or should.
I don’t paint or draw or try to do it in my own way as much as I could or should.
I don’t learn. I don’t dream as much as I should or could. I don’t grab my laptop and search interesting facts about bees or Beethoven, but rather waste my time. W A S T E, it screams, in the fifth dimension of space.
And I find that, you know, awful. A W F U L.
And this blog is not much of an instrument when it comes to mending many of my issues with time management, understanding and destroying my habit of taking to many Buzzfeed quizzes, but, you know, I really want to write more.
God, I want to make a habit out of writing. At least 10 words a day.
So, when something good comes out my brain, I will post it here.
Also, I hope you don’t really mind me,but I had to put my thoughts around here. I also can’t really keep a journal, because I am horrific at it, but I try to do some sort of a similar thing here. I hope it woks for me this year. I hope I turn crazy from all the places I will have gone and I become some sort of an artist. I hope I LEARN THIS YEAR.